Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I Only Get Stressed Sometimes

So, I recently got a flu shot at work. I’m proud of myself, because I usually will do ANYTHING to avoid a shot.

I had to sign up in advance, and OCTOBER 15TH AT 12:15 was something I thought about every day until it happened. Seriously. Every day.

I broke out in stress hives before I went in.


Before I got the shot, the nurse was like “we have Twizzlers” and I was like HELL YEAH, but that excitement was cut short because I SMELLED THE ALCOHOL AND THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW IT’S COMING.

She had to hold my arm because I was shaking so badly. “Okay, just a little prick.” NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE CONDESCENDING, NURSE. IT’S NOT JUST A LITTLE PRICK, I’VE BEEN DREADING THE SON OF A BITCH SINCE MID-SEPTEMBER.

I got the shot, almost jumped out of my chair, and left. Oh, and the mini Twizzlers were strawberry so the entire experience was GARBAGE.

Everyone was LOLing and stuff at this GIF a while ago because the little girl is freaking the F out, but I FEEL YOU, GURL.


I KNOW, I KNOW. I’M 24 YEARS OLD, AND IT’S A SHOT. BUT WHATEVER.

What I’m saying is, if you’ve been around me for more than 30 minutes, you know that I’m an extremely anxious person. I get stressed out over big things, little things, all things.

Like, what the hell am I going to hang on the wall behind my bed? I just recently moved, got a new bedspread, etc. WHAT AM I GOING TO HANG ON THAT WALL?

Also, am I going to cut my hair shorter or let it grow out a little more? I love the ease of short hair, BUT I MISS BEING ABLE TO BRAID IT. THERE ARE SO MANY CUTE BRAIDS ON PINTEREST.

Also, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO RENEE ZELLWEGER? I DON’T EVEN LIKE RENEE ZELLWEGER. BUT I AM SO STRESSED OUT FOR RENEE ZELLWEGER. 


RENEE ZELLWEGER.

Also, don’t even get me started on advertising/career-related things. DON'T.

Also, STRAWBERRY TWIZZLERS SUCK.





Friday, October 17, 2014

Friends storylines that would be no big deal nowadays

There has been a lot of buzz about the best show ever made lately (for those of you non-believers, sorry to tell you but Friends is and forever will be the best show of all time). The 20th anniversary of the pilot episode was last month and this week it was announced that all 10 glorious seasons will be on Netflix at the beginning of the year.
An accurate depiction of what happened to me after hearing the news at work.
Finally, I will no longer depend on late-night marathons on Nick-at-Nite or having to bribe my friends who own the box set with wine to watch multiple seasons at once. I can binge watch whenever I want. With all this fantastic news going around there is one thing I keep hearing though:

"I wish Friends was on now instead of back then!"

Do you wish that? Really? Think back to pretty much any episode and you'll see that it would be a million times different if Friends were on today instead of 10-20 years ago. There was no social media, cellphones weren't mass produced, and people only had voicemails as a means to leave someone a message... VOICEMAILS.


Let's just look at a few storylines that would not have even occurred in modern times:

The one where Chandler gets catfished by Janice

Long Story Short: Chandler web chats with random girl, falls for her, turns out girl is his annoying (understatement) ex-girlfriend.

What Didn't Exist During that Episode: Facebook stalking. 5 minutes into that chat, Chandler would have done some hardcore internet searching to find anything about this girl. Then he would have found her Tinder profile and been like...

Obvious gif selection, I know, I just don't care 

The one where Monica and Chandler spend an entire episode organizing CDs

Long Story Short: Monica and Chandler figure out that all 200 of their CDs are in the wrong case.

What Didn't Exist During that Episode: Spotify, Pandora, MP3s in general. CDs were still very necessary to listen to music at this time, and nothing could BE more annoying than not knowing where your Miami Vice soundtrack is. Not a very important story arc, but it lasted an entire episode and we got to hear Chandler sing Annie. Win/win

The one where Rachel gets heartbroken when Ross shows up at the airport with Julie

Long Story Short: Rachel realizes she has feelings for Ross, but he picks up a new girlfriend while he's in China.

What Didn't Exist During That Episode: Instagram. I am 100% sure that Ross would be all over Instagram posting pictures of new fossils, Ben and Emma, and #TBT's of him and Monica. My point is, Ross would have posted every moment of his and Julie's romance, there would have been no season cliffhanger at the airport, and Rachel would have grieved with a gallon of ice cream while simultaneously scrolling through all of Ross' valencia-filtered pictures.


The one where Phoebe is kept up all night by a beeping smoke detector

Long Story Short: Phoebe's smoke detector runs out of batteries in the middle of the night, she can't get it to stop beeping, and as a result meets an attractive fireman when she throws it down a garbage chute.

What Didn't Exist During That Episode: YouTube tutorials on how to do literally everything under the sun. Phoebe would have looked up a 30 second video, fixed the beeping, gone back to sleep, and never met the fireman. I think this one would haunt me the most.



Ok bye bye now,


Thursday, October 2, 2014

Were you trying?

Hi. Since I last graced the internet with my manic ramblings, I've had some pretty life-changing stuff going on this summer– I cut four inches off my hair, I'm budgeting, I've gotten really good at doing all the laundry in one day, oh, and uh, I started growing a human inside my body. It's all really chill.


But really I'm having a baby in April and I solemnly swear not to post weekly updates of my belly if everyone else solemnly swears to tell me my baby is hawt even in those first couple weeks when he/she still looks kind of..ya know..like an alien. Thanks in advance.

Mainly, I'm writing because I feel the need to have a little intervention with you guys. Think back to the last time someone told you they were pregnant (hint: it was me, 3 seconds ago). A question popped in your mind. It's okay. We all think it:

"Were you trying?"

This question also comes in the form of "Was it planned?", "Was it a surprise?", and my personal favorite, "I didn't know you were trying!" (Well, I didn't know I was supposed to put out a press release.) All perfectly natural questions because we're all human and we're all insanely curious. But let's take a moment to step back and think about what you're asking. Because chances are, your now-pregnant bud was either keeping calendars and logs of womanly functions and planning out adult fun times with a variety of iPhone apps, or, just doin' it frequently enough to score the goal. Either way, your question basically translates to "please tell me about the sexual strategy that led you to this outcome." 


It's weird. And it's not that I get angry... it's that I get crazy awkward when I'm expected to answer. I promise you that most pregnant ladies would agree. It's one thing if a couple volunteers that information, but it's another when you're just word-vomiting because you don't know what else to say. So practice word-vomiting a less invasive message like, "Congrats! Can I get you like a donut?" and then go on speculating in your own brain. 

Me, every day
Love (despite your awkward questions),



Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Equality. A Non-judgmental Partnership.


Thank you, Emma Watson. One, because you're super classy and have been my fantasy BFF for over a decade. Two, thank you for approaching the subject of feminism in the way that I think many women like me have wanted it to be approached and articulated. Finally we can attempt to wipe our hands clean of the complicated, super sticky double standard and support equality without fear of falling into the wild feminist pool we don’t all see ourselves in (The pool I don’t see myself in at all).

How? 
By actually embracing men and welcoming them to this whole idea without making them feel weird about it. Heyo! Sup boyz. 

I’m grateful for this because I *gasp* love and respect men very, very much. I have the great privilege of knowing so many fantastic men. (Shout out to you all, you know who you are!) Equality can't be achieved unless women treat men like the awesome partners they are, should be, and we want them to be. In turn, men will feel so much more comfortable to contribute and reciprocate the partnership.

Alienating men and making them feel like they're all back-alley murderers who are out to get women isn't going to do any good. If you want to be treated with respect, then you have to give respect, perhaps - and most especially- even when it isn't truly deserved. Golden rule. Those who mistreat will ultimately get judged for it, here on Earth or elsewhere. I believe this applies to both genders. I genuinely believe most men want the very best for the women in their lives, just as much as I want the very best for the men in my life. This is a large part of the reason I didn't associate myself with the YesAllWomen hashtag. It wasn't because I didn't understand its message. I just felt the instinct to defend men the entire time. I even remember reading through them, thinking to myself shamefully, "Maybe I'm part of the problem they're talking about."I want men and women to treat each other like teammates, not the enemy.

We spend so much time focusing on the crazies out there with warped ideas, we often unfairly fail to recognize and appreciate the guys out there who genuinely care for and support women. I’m glad Emma’s initiative is finally acknowledging this on a broader scale. Not every woman has been as fortunate as I have been with positive men in her life. I know I have been incredibly blessed. I hope Emma’s campaign also allows these girls and women to see there are so many more men out there who have their back. And to any of you awesome men reading this, I want you to know I've definitely got yours. 

On a different but very important note to me; in her speech, Emma Watson focuses on making the issue of gender inequality a conversation across the male-female spectrum instead of, as she puts it, two opposing ideals. In the U.S., we must also work even harder to make gender inequality a conversation that not only transcends gender, but also transcends political affiliation.

I believe there are a lot of wonderful men across this state and country who support equality and were raised to treat women with respect and see them as equals and yet, they keep themselves in the dark instead of openly showing support for what would be considered a feminist campaign. 

Whether we like it or not, feminists and pro-feminism movements are spotlighted predominantly from a liberal platform. Much like the "man-hating" stereotype Emma speaks of in her speech as keeping many women from wanting to fully associate herself with the label, I think there are many men (and women) from conservative and moderate backgrounds who are large supporters and advocates for gender equality but similarly hesitate to associate themselves. Believe me when I say I understand the hesitation. There are certain platforms which fall under the “women’s rights umbrella” that conservatives and moderates have personal conflicting or opposing beliefs on. Myself included. Is there a place where I'm allowed to support equal pay for women, zero-tolerance for prejudice in the workplace, zero-tolerance against violence or hostility towards women, but still be able to say I have conflicting personal views on other rights within the platform? Does that mean I'm a hypocrite?

It is incredibly unfair to conservative men that they are not often seen or recognized as supporters of gender equality (and are even ridiculed when they try) because they openly support traditional values and certain stances on issues that have become tied into this overall women’s rights package. Is it truly impossible to allow or accept men into the conversation without judgement because of this? Must it really be "all or nothing?" Perhaps it is naive of me, but I firmly believe humans are not built in the same black-and-white way as political platforms. I firmly believe a man can support pro-life, for example, and also believe his daughters or wife deserve equal respect to men and raise his sons to also be good and believe the same. If you guffaw at that and believe otherwise, then that, my friend, is also a stereotype and I do not support it. If Emma Watson is working to dispel the stereotype surrounding feminism, then let's also join her in working to dispel the other stereotypes we put on people based on political affiliation. 

The point I’m trying to make is, so much more can be achieved together if we allow the HeForShe campaign to be a giant showcase of support and positivity towards each other, man to woman and woman to man, without it leaning in any particular direction on the political spectrum or being another banner in another war. It's a shame that gender equality, which really should be–and is at its core–a bipartisan cause has gotten so isolated to one side it makes others hesitant or iffy to jump on board because of it. Let’s allow ourselves and each other the ability to say “Hey guys/ladies! Of course I'm with y’all!" without being ridiculed as a phony or being judged as a feminist stereotype. This is another reason I like the concept behind Emma’s initiative; it makes an effort to rid the stigma around the word "feminist" itself and bring gender equality out from under a political umbrella and into the bipartisan, both-genders-allowed arena. 

I still fervently believe anyone can come together to support the other bullets that make up the fight for gender equality. Let's not ignore all the other important aspects of HeForShe we can agree on just because one aspect causes a standstill. There is so much more to this cause that we actually share.

The fact of the matter is, ladies and gents, we're NOT the same. Chemically, physically, mentally, and scientifically. And I like that. I like all the things that make men masculine and me feminine, as long as neither of us feel burdened by them. I also like having conversations with men and listening to them like any other person and having my opinion valued. I'm going out on a huuuuge limb here to presume men appreciate those things just as much as I do! Wouldn't it be better to acknowledge all the differences and commonalities by nature and work with it together?

Wouldn't it also be better to not shame or isolate women and men who want and choose to be in a "traditional" gender role? Go for it, I think that’s great! I may end up in a "traditional" role myself, if it's what works best for me and my family. And for the record, future husband, I will gladly make you a bazillion sandwiches because, whoever you are, you're my most favorite, smart, sarcastic, kind, and not-so-perfect person. I think you will be just as worthy of a parent as I am considered. I think you can freely admit your weaknesses without worrying that I see you as less of a man. In fact, treating me as your co-captain and valuing my input and contributions makes you more of a man than anything else. (I do hope you're tall though. I'm 5"1.5, so... please help me.)

But here comes the most important part of this idea: 

All of the above spiel is, of course, referring to current conversation in our own country. No question that we have our own mess of problems, mentalities, and epidemics, but we are so, so, so, so fortunate here in the United States. It would be inconsiderate to the generations before us to claim we have gotten nowhere. The way the majority of us have it here —gender to gender— in the U.S. is many ways decades/centuries ahead of the treatment and horrors done in so many other countries across the world.

What I hope Emma Watson’s HeForShe campaign can achieve is this: If we can scream from the rooftops, or say quietly with a gentle hand on a shoulder, how much we admire and support one another, as opposed to making it a Battle of the Sexes, then we are in an even better position to understand each other as equals. We can lead by example to younger generations and the new generation we will bring into the world, showing them men and women are partners and no greater or less than the other. Through our own compassion and mutual support for gender equality, we can share and spread this mentality anywhere and everywhere around the world - especially where it is needed most. 

It will be special because it won't just be women fighting for equality. It will men and women fighting for each other’s equality together.

As more men show their support for HeForShe (see @EmWatson on Twitta), I think this is a great time to open up the conversation to help us women understand the burdens and pressures on men in their roles as well. If anyone wishes to write a response to this from a man's perspective, feel free to let the Duds know and we will be happy to share. 
Because guys, I think you're GREAT! Girls, I think we're great TOO!


 What a concept, I tell ya. 

#heforshe 

(And you know what, #SheforHe too!) 



Caroline

---
If you haven't seen Emma's UN speech, here is a link!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ug6adjb8u88



Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Remember Us?

We’re back. Well, sort of. We’re going to do things a little bit differently this time around. Because life so often gets in the way, we aren’t going to post every day. We’re going to post when we feel like it. When inspiration hits. When we need a creative outlet. When we need to vent about stuff (because, come on, who has a diary these days?).

Also, expect more guest posts. And we want YOU (probs like 10 readers including our family members) to contribute. Got something to say? Email us. Facebook us. Tweet us. Text us. Stalk us (just kidding).

Over the past six months, quite a few people have asked about The Duds. Where have we been? What have we been up to? Why don’t we post anymore? It means a lot to us, y’all.

When we began The Duds almost two years ago (wut.), we were still in college, unemployed post-grads, or recently employed post-grads with exemplary time management skills. As our lives changed, it became increasingly more difficult to keep up and adapt Dud maintenance around it. We're hoping this OS update, if you will, will fit better into our lives and get us back onto your newsfeeds again.

Stay tuned...