Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Caroline Obsessively Analyzes GIRL MEETS WORLD (While Sobbing Uncontrollably)

Yesterday became one of the happiest, most wonderful days of my life.

...Unless you count the day Orlando Bloom broke up with Kate Bosworth when I was 13,  in which case yesterday was my second happiest day. (They come close, sadly.)

News broke that Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel had officially signed on to star in the sequel to Boy Meets World--the long-running show of our pre-millenium youth.

CORY AND TOPANGA ARE BACK. With their children, Chewbacca and Plankton.

However, with unadulterated joy comes perplexity...so I'm breaking down my Girl Meets World burning thoughts, theories, and questions. Please join me on this journey of hopes and dreams. I have questions and I need answers. Mr. Jacobs, Ben, Danielle, whoever... I hope you read this and take it super, super, super seriously.

1. I would like someone who can add efficiently to explain to me the logistics of Cory and Topanga having teenage children.
2. How many human souls need to be sacrificed to ensure that William Daniels lives long enough to play Feeny on the reg for another seven years? ...Hypothetically speaking.
3. Is Riley Matthews going to have beautiful Topanga hair or velcro hair?
4. Will Girl Meets World take place in Philadelphia? Will she attend John Quincy Adams Junior High? (see what I did there.)
6. What are my chances of developing a cougar-crush on Elliot Matthews, the older son?
7. What are my chances of developing a cougar-crush on Joshua Matthews, the accidental-baby-brother-with-upsetting-respiratory-problems-in-Boy-Meets-World-Season-6?
8. If Morgan returns, will it be the cute Morgan having tea parties or the Morgan needing an OD on the Midol? Dear God, if it's the latter, we're all going to need Midol. 
9. I will not be satisfied on this Earth until I have Will Friedle back. (If you just asked yourself, "Who?", you are NOT allowed to watch Girl Meets World and now forced to turn in your 90's kid badge immediately.)
10. If Matt Lawrence pops in to say hello, I may have a hernia.
11. Cory is his daughter's 7th grade history teacher which means he will also be her teacher until senior year of college, yes? It's cool.
12. Will Riley's edgy, witty friend be more like Shawn?...or Kimberly from Full House? I vote some blessed combination, please&thankyou.
13. Morgan's probably in a twelve step program.
14. Who's Riley's soul mate? Probably a boy in her history class named Theodore. She'll bicker with him constantly and Cory will nod his head all wise and knowingly behind half-moon glasses while stroking his chin. 
16. ^^Affirmative, with me
17. "Shawn's here!"--says Cory as Caroline soils herself.
18. I request another epic Fred Savage cameo. Under the condition that he is, once again, as douchey as humanly possible.
19. Topanga is a super successful lawyer who spends a great deal of time getting Morgan out of jail. Betch is a HoT MeSs.
20. Mr. Turner has all ready commented that he'd like to make an appearance and I think I speak for everyone when I say I am 100000% okay with that.
22. I need at least one Cory Matthews Mental Breakdown an episode. And I shall take a shot every time he does so.
23. I want Amy and Alan to make constant inappropriate innuendos that I completely understand now. (sex.)
24. ^^I don't give a monkey's butthole about Topanga's parents. Whaterr. Still haven't forgiven them for causing Topanga to doubt marriage. Shenanigans.
25. Feeny. Then some Feeny. Then another Feeny appearance. More Feeny with another side of Feeny, oh and some extra Feeny...He's running out of TIME. OH GOD.
26. What's the name of the best-selling book of philosophical poetry Shawn Hunter obviously wrote when he had a goatee?
27. Rachel will adopt a baby from an Amazonian village. Then it will grow to be the same size as her. (adorable.)

Regardless of my extremely serious list, I want everyone to know. I've said this before: I don't care if Cory and Topanga are living in an Inuit territory running an igloo orphanage for aliens and have two children named Goran and Paolo who enjoy dressing like Peter O'Toole in Lawrence of Arabia. I will. not. be. missing. a. single. episode.

Share your own GMW thoughts, theories, and inquiries as we anxiously await the premiere. I'm already planning my viewing party. Who's down for pre-gaming at Chubbie's?

Love your professional fan girl,

1 comment:

  1. I love every item on this list. I may or may not have had a minor freak out at work when the news originally broke.