Tuesday, December 4, 2012

What Happens When You Grow Up: Megan's Post-24 Bucket List.

This past weekend I celebrated the 3rd anniversary of my 21st birthday and finally had to admit it to myself. I’m 24 years old. Holy shit.

I remember in high school when I could barely think about being 21 and now I am literally a year away from being 25--that’s a fourth of a century--and I have nothing to show for my life. It was a revelation to me. I said to myself, “Megan, wake up and get your crap together. Let’s do something with the limited amount of time we have in this world.”

I mean let’s face it, after your 21st birthday, nothing else matters. You’re getting older and increasingly more senile each year. I can see why Peter Pan never wanted to grow up and stay a kid in Neverland forever. And I completely agree. Especially Neverland because that would be fantastic. (Michael Jackson can finally teach me how to moonwalk…)

Since this weekend, I have decided to go ahead and really figure out what I wanted to do with the one life I was given. I have created My Post-24 Bucket List. I know everyone does it and it’s a cliché and a movie starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman… But I have never really sat down and thought what I really wanted out of life. So here it goes:

1.   To become famous. Not Teen-Dance-Mom-Housewife-HoneyBooBoo famous. (Even though they’re awesome.) I want my own talk show where I bring in celebrities/influencers/everyday people and entertain them. Picture Ellen DeGeneres meets Chelsea Handler. Now that’s what I want to do in life.
2.   Pee in every state of the United States. I have peed in almost 32 states so far.
3.   Visit all the Seven Wonders of the World. This will also involve pee.
4.   Skydive. If you know me at all, you know I will do anything for an adrenaline rush, but deathly afraid of heights. So I will be drinking.
5.   Visit every state capital in the USA. I can also check off that state when I go pee there. Killing two birds with one stone.
6.   Spend a summer wine tasting all over Europe.  Another reason for my liver to hate the ground I walk on. More than it already does.
7.   Run in a marathon. My body is not built to run past 3 miles and with the liver I have…I would say it’s a long shot.
8.   Go on a safari in Africa.  I just want to see a manic baboon standing on a giant rock raising a lion cub into the sky while all the animals bow in his presence.
9.   Win an Oscar. This will obviously come from my Emmy-winning daytime talk show that turned me into a movie star after my brilliant performance in The Color Purple.

These are just a few of them. I can’t think of anymore right now. I am far too concentrated on the glass of wine that is staring me at the face begging to be chugged faster than a beer bong.

Old lady out.

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