Tuesday, February 5, 2013

GUEST POST: 10 reasons I am moving to the woods and devoting my life to Catelynn and Tyler from Teen Mom

First of all, if you don’t know who Catelynn and Tyler are, you’ve really missed out. Catelynn and Tyler are featured on the original Teen Mom and are also sweet baby angels living on earth. During their 16 & Pregnant episode, Catelynn and Tyler placed their daughter, Carly, with an adoptive family. Basically, I wish that Catelynn and Tyler had been placed with me as their adoptive mother because they are THE BEST.  So when I inevitably move to the woods alone, here are 10 reasons why I will devote my life to Catelynn and Tyler:

10. They have terrible parents but manage to be good people anyway.
Okay, so let me clarify. Tyler’s mom is not terrible. She’s really nice and helpful to Catelynn and Tyler. However, Catelynn’s mom (April) is horrifying and Tyler’s dad (Butch) is even worse. They’re total junkies and Butch is always in and out of jail. April says terrible things to Catelynn fairly regularly. They are the worst. I have no idea how two horror shows of human beings produced such angelic cherubs, but somehow they did.

9. They know that their parents are sketchballs and wanted their daughter to have better.
Okay, so when Catelynn and Tyler decided to place Carly with an adoptive family, April turned into a literal monster. Like, ancient demon coming forth from the earth and eating your soul monster. She and Butch decided keeping a baby in this super healthy, nurturing, drug-infested environment would be best for everyone and were awful to Catelynn and Tyler. Cate & Ty, being the baby angels that they are, rose above this and understood that this is exactly why Carly needed to be somewhere else. Also, Tyler said he wanted Carly to have a dorky dad (she totally does, btw), which is HEARTWARMING.
Catelynn and Tyler with Carly and her adoptive parents

8. They had to YouTube how to tie a tie because their parents didn’t know how


7. They love their daughter SO MUCH
They made her a scrapbook about themselves with pictures of them in Jr. High. They recorded a storybook with their voices. On one episode, Tyler was writing a moving letter to Carly, while I was writing a moving letter to my imaginary son, Tyler. When they get to visit her, drops of sunshine rain from the sky and I turn into a rocketship and fly into the atmosphere. They talk about regretting placing her for adoption and I bleed to death on the floor because it’s not their fault that they ended up in such a nightmare situation with drugged out parents. In another environment, they could have rocked it with Carly.  
Carly and her adoptive mom reading the recorded storybook/me exploding into a million shards of emotion
6. Catelynn’s mom drives a van similar to this one (AND it has curtains):

5. Tyler took his mom to get her perm reversed


4. They are better at talking out relationship issues than Dr. Drew
Seriously. These kids have some serious self-awareness and communication skills. Keep on keepin’ on, guys.

3. Every time I watch they have another tiny dog living in their trailer house

2. They are step-siblings but it’s totally not their fault
Yeah you know when I talked about April and Butch earlier? Let me let you in on a little secret: THEY’RE MARRIED. Yeah. It’s obviously a super healthy relationship. However, they got together after Catelynn and Tyler did so it’s totally not their fault and not “A Very Brady Movie” situation.

1. They seem like the type of people who would put Mountain Dew in a baby bottle, but they will figure it out and be great parents 

Do yourself a favor and Netflix Catelynn and Tyler’s episode of 16 & Pregnant, and then the Teen Mom series. But first, get a raft so you don’t drown in your own tears.

[Insert mandatory itsyoursexlife.org MTV PSA here]


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