Tuesday, May 14, 2013

12 Important Takeaway Lessons from Happy Gilmore

This is my first solo post in WEEKS. Sorry, y'all. Adulthood snuck in and hijacked my life. Let's get back to business.

If there's one thing The Duds can agree upon, it's that Adam Sandler's 1996 classic, "Happy Gilmore," is (and always will be) one of the greatest moves of all time. As a movie buff, films resonate with me the most when they make me think, or most importantly, teach me something about life or myself. Happy Gilmore, in all its educational glory, is one of these films. What exactly can one possibly learn from the 1996 comedy classic that can be applied to the real world, you ask? I'll tell you. And let's be honest, these are actually really, really, important. Pay attention.

1. Never EVER trust a man who voluntarily grows a mustache last seen on Wyatt Earp.

More importantly, never trust him to care for the elderly.

2. Do not, under any circumstance, give your child a name that would allow him/her to create a hand motion. You're basically giving them permission to be a huge d**k. (see #3)


3. ^Never name your child SHOOTER.

4. Life is fleeting. Like lose your hand to an alligator and accidentally fall from a window fleeting. 

5. A crossover sport between hockey and golf is actually plausible. In fact, someone get on that.


7. Respect your elders. Don't let the last thing you see on this Earth be Bob Barker's golf shirt as he beats you.

8. A midget dressed as a cowboy riding a golf club like a horse makes anything--and I mean anything--better.

No really. Anything.

9. Clowns hate golf. No, I take that back. Clowns hate everything good in this world.


10.  If you eat Quiznos, you're probably an idiot.

Eat fresh, y'all.

11.When you're losing a game of golf, an agressive one-on-one chat with your ball is perfect for relieving stress.

12. Heaven clearly exists:

There you have it. Any argument against the above will fall on deaf ears.

Have a Happy day.


1 comment:

  1. I too, "talk" to my balls to relieve stress.