Thursday, June 6, 2013

Something Old, Something New, Something Vomit…Wait, Wut?

Okay, so you know how little girls are supposed to dream about their wedding forever? Yeah, I didn't really do that. I knew I wanted to have a cool dress, and eat pizza, and marry cartoon John Smith,


I didn't really have time to worry about the details because I was too busy eating bologna, organizing household objects by size and color, and worrying about the Bosnian refugees. (WE CAN'T ALL BE NORMAL KIDS, OKAY?)

So, now I am getting married, I still don't really care too much about a lot of the small details. Centerpieces? Whatever. Ceremony? Short, please. What my mom/his mom/everyone else who asks me what to wear wears? Clothes. One thing I did care about? My bridal portraits. I had a great location planned, my photographers are human baby angels, and my dress is looking pretty good, if I do say so myself. So day of, I get my hair did, put on my dress, and head to meet up with my photographers.

Me, going to get my pictures done. (Okay, maybe an exaggeration, but I was feeling pretty good).

Problem #1: The location didn't work out. I'm not telling everyone what my locations were so my pictures can be a surprise, but let's just say the owner of this location forgot. It was locked up. But not to worry, my photographers are on the ball, and they found another great location and worked it out in no time. So, off to location #2.

On the way to the next location, I'm starting to feel a little iffy. You see, wedding dresses aren't built for comfort. Sitting in a car wasn't working. But we make it.

The photographers find some spots for us to use, and everything gets rolling. Now here's where problem #2 starts.

Problem #2: I start sweating. It's hot. I'm flustered. Things are going downhill fast.

Me, in maroon.

But I prevail, and we keep taking pictures. However, it starts to get worse.

Problem #3: I'm totally going to faint. I start to get dizzy. I power through, not wanting to mess up my photographer's shots. But finally, the sweating and the spinning is too much. My ears start ringing. Now, I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure that means you're about to faint. I lay down on the floor. In my wedding dress. In front of everyone. I have to go outside and put water on my neck. It's all very graceful and classy.

I start feeling a little bit better, so I push on to the second location (I requested both locations and didn't want to be dramatic bride lady).

Problem #4: THERE ARE 100 PEOPLE TAKING A COMPANY GROUP PHOTO AT THE SECOND LOCATION. I am about to lose it. We wait and finally snap a few shots before I'm on my way. We head to my brother's house (near the locations) and I immediately tear off the dress. Soon after, we reach the real problem.

Problem #5: The vomiting. OH THE VOMITING. I dont' handle vomiting well. I rarely do it (I average about once every five years), and when I do, it's not pretty. I scream. I cry, it's all very dramatic. It's basically the least bridal thing that anyone has ever done, ever. I emerge from the bathroom, shaken, and my brother asks if I want a frozen Kit-Kat. UMM, NO.

Me, after the portraits.

Now, I didn't have tons of goals for the wedding starting out (pizza and good dress were still at the top of the list), but now I have to add one more. No vomiting. 

Still waiting on this guy though...

P.S. If you guys need photographers for anything, check out They are awesome. They didn't even get mad at me for lying on the floor or being dramatic. I will get The Duds to share a picture or two with you after the wedding so you can see my panicked, sweating face.

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