Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Why Summer Actually Sucks

I've never understood why people get so excited for summer. Even when I was younger and got a summer break from school, it was usually spent doing extra chores around the house (MOMS, AMIRITE?). You see, summer sucks. It's like that girl who everyone pretends to like because they think everyone else likes her and then you pretend so long that you don't even remember you actually hate listening to all her stories about the n*sync concert she attended in 2001. SHE SUCKS. Here's why:

#1: It's hot. Not hot like, "I'll go out and enjoy this beautiful day by the pool" hot, it's more like "I would sacrifice a small animal for a light breeze" hot. But even though it's 102° all your friends are like, "let's have drinks on the patio!!!!!" and you don't want them to think you're a hermit so you're like "ok." Then you sit there in the hot sun and begin to question your entire existence because your knee-pits are sweating and you'd do literally anything to cool off.

#2: The weather makes everyone feel like it's somehow acceptable to wear a bandana's worth of material and call it a day. Just because it's hot doesn't mean everyone wants to see what you're workin' with. Have you ever seen someone just walking around in public and in your head you're just shouting "NO" over and over and wishing you weren't so fuzzy on the protocol for a citizen's arrest? Because, that's how I feel about summer. I'm just walking around in my jeans and cardigan, looking at people like this in hopes they'll be guilted into clothing themselves properly:

#3: On the off chance that there is a day where it's not so hot you want to die, you can't even enjoy it because you know where you are? Work. And every time you check your Facebook, you are friends with just enough people who seem to have no responsibilities and get to go on vacation every other second that you have to spend 10 minutes pep talking yourself into why your spreadsheet is the most fun activity on the planet. The only consolation prize for days like these is when payday rolls around and you're like OH YEAH, I'm cool with this arrangement, and then you crank your A/C to 70 for a few minutes and revel in all your money-making awesomeness like:

#4: You can't go anywhere without grade school kids making all your errands 10x worse. I have thought to myself on multiple occasions this summer, "I can't wait for school to start again" because they're EVERYWHERE. And I don't know what it is about being in 9th grade that makes these people think they're so awesome, but they are not. 

#5: All the regular TV shows are on break. At first, it's kind of nice because there's Netflix to keep you occupied. Then July rolls around and you're pretty sure you've tapped your queue completely out. Also, now you're hooked on three shows you didn't watch before, which only adds to your anticipation for the Fall seasons. Then you spend your free time creating a countdown calendar for all your shows, but you look at it too often and get discouraged. So you watch five more episodes of Jeopardy on DVR to bide the time, all the while, dying a little more each day:

Only 67 days until Fall,

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