Tuesday, October 15, 2013

@UberThoughts on @UberFacts

 For anyone unfamiliar with @UberFacts on Twitter, here's a brief description: An account that periodically spews out facts that are so ridiculous all you can do is pray they're true. I don't even know if half of them even are, but they're stated in such a way that it almost always seem completely plausible. 
Because I'm limited to 140 characters per single tweet, I'm going to express my thoughts, commentary, and excessive over-analysis here of these UberFacts, if that's even your real name.

 In related news, these studies have since been disproven for faking evidence after researchers admitted they used mannequins from Talbot's to pose as subjects since zero women agreed to participate.

The amazing thing about this fact is, without even realizing this word existed,  THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

I guess that's pretty cool unless you're, you know, Moses. 

Real talk though: No word on how this goes with men towards funny women, but have you ever really seen a comedienne with a hot husband or married at all?

Well, duh. They learned that from watching human children play Red Rover Red Rover.

…Yes, UberFacts. The founders of Macy’s died lying in a dingy bunk bed down in the third class basement.

You know what also increases your chances of acquiring an STI? Having unprotected sex with a person who has an STI

Look, I'm certainly not an expert but I don’t think it all exactly works like a Bubba Gump shrimp net.

Coincidentally, so do people on Tumblr.

This is also wine.

Well, that's horseshit.

That's not....that's not even relevant.

This suddenly explains "The Return of Jafar."

These are also the names of hot sandwiches at Arby’s.

They also hold lion cubs over cliffs so there’s that.

Here goes UberFacts once again blowing our minds.

Similarly, the University of Texas has changed their Top 10% rule to the Top 8% rule.

I’ll have you know I just experimented with this and it actually works as long as you take some LSD directly beforehand.

Unless it’s a bruised banana in which case your whole f***ing day is ruined.

Everyone sleep easy tonight. According to UberFacts, the chances of a grizzly bear mauling you to pieces are less likely than your teddy bear coming to life, rising onto two legs with glowing red eyes, toddling to the kitchen for a meat thermometer, and then returning to your sleeping form.

Unless it’s a Fireball shot in which the brain's reaction is IMMEDIATE REGRET. 

Hey guys, Martin Short has a bigger penis than you.

lol @uberfacts. Love, @carolinefev.

1 comment:

  1. Oh absoutely...I have laughed my idiot head off!!