Monday, January 20, 2014

Facebook, Shmacebook Pt. 2

Facebook, Shmacebook Pt. 2

Remember this post when I rambled on about how much I don’t like Facebook? I’m back.

MORE reasons why I want to delete my Facebook.

Fun Factz! LOL! Recently, my newsfeed was flooded with people listing off “about me” facts. A lot of the facts people shared made me feel super awkward. I was so tempted to make my own list.

1. I take baths when I’m sad.
2. I got kicked out of Chimy’s when I was 21 for falling asleep in the bathroom.
3. After my first knee surgery, I fell out of my wheelchair in Band and everyone laughed at me.
4. I can kick myself in the head.

A couple of weeks after that, my newsfeed was flooded with “random facts about my pregnancy” posts. Childless and confused, Whitley Quigg and I googled some of the terms used in these pregnancy posts and not gonna lie, I threw up in my mouth a little bit at one point. Again, I was tempted to make my own list.

1. I adopted my cat when I was 19. I was bored one day.
2. Before picking up Eleanor from the animal shelter, I got gas and ate a salad from Whole Foods.
3. Eleanor runs laps around my apartment after she takes a dump.
4. Being a cat mom has been such a wonderful experience, except sometimes I want to dropkick Eleanor off my apartment balcony when she bites me in the middle of the night.

TMI posts. I seriously do not understand why some people treat Facebook as a diary. It’s not your diary. It’s social media. People can see that. PEOPLE CAN SEE THAT. Okay, okay, I can let it slip if you’re under the age of 17. But if you’re older than that: what the hell, man? STOP IT. Seriously, though. If your status is something emo like I had an awful day, yadda yadda, there is a good chance I will like it. Because I crack myself up.

People who leave jerk comments. I feel like we all have one of those friends. You know, who takes the time to leave an asshole comment on your Facebook status. Like, I am so passionate about crafting the perfect d-bag comment to leave on your status because I am lonely and have no life. I will straight up cyber bully your ass if you do that to me. Like the time I called a guy a d-word for trash talking Tech. My mom got really mad at me for that one. Sorry, Mom.

Yes, he deleted me and I still cry myself to sleep every night because of it :(

TBH posts. You know, “To Be Honest”. This is popular with the younger crowd. In case you don’t know how it works, a person will post a status that’s like “I’m so bored, TBH :)” and people will like it. If you like it, that person will right a something on your wall. “TBH: your hair is so pretty and you’re so funny and nice and cool and stuff”. Yeah, that’s how it works. I’m not gonna lie, though. I have liked a couple of these posts before, of course that was after a few Maker’s and diets. Nothing like waking up to a wall post from a 15-year-old saying you have pretty hair and good fashion sense. BOOM.

Poking. This feature has been around since I first joined Facebook. Back when statuses required you to talk about yourself in third person. Rachel Bottlinger is about to kill herself because she has an Atmospheric Science exam and a Freshman Composition paper due tomorrow. If you’re one of my good friends, go ahead, poke me. If you’re an acquaintance whom I barely know and you poke me:


Bott out.

1 comment:

  1. The only thing I really like about Facebook is that I get a notice of a new "Duds" column.
    Oh--and pictures of my grandkids!!