What not to get your boyfriend/fiancé/husband/male counterpart:
|"yeah, my wife got me this.|
yeah, she h8s me."
This includes but is not limited to, sappy decor about how you love him "to the moon and back," tickets to an event only you are interested in, and basically anything that says "I had no idea what to get you so I bought myself something and am now using you and this holiday as a cover."
I seriously found this throw pillow on a website in the section of "Gift Ideas for Him." NO. Your male significant other does not give two flying monkeys about personalized throw pillows. As a matter of fact, he probably would prefer there were no throw pillows in your house at all. Do not buy him a throw pillow.
My [husband] is always leaving his [keys] on the [coffee table] and it makes me want to [burn the house down]. I know! I'll get him a [monogrammed leather catch-all] so he always has a place for his [keys]!!!!!! No. That is not a gift. That is a new rule for him to follow. Don't get me wrong, I am pro-items that keep stuff in its proper place, and I support the purchase of such items, but not in the name of Valentine's Day or any other gift-giving holiday.
Also in this category: gym memberships, self-help books, and any paraphernalia related to the type of person you secretly wish your man was.
Random & frivolous personalized personal items.
|"good thing u & my side chick|
have the same initials"
Also a big fat nope: personalized underwear. What are you trying to achieve here? What is the purpose? Are you worried he'll lose his underwear somehow? How? I cannot think of a single instance in which you should buy these for your significant other without first seriously considering seeing other people.
What not to get your girlfriend/fiancée/wife/female counterpart:
|"i'm gonna bake these flowers|
into all ur food"
Everyone knows all the good flowers are going into bouquets pre-ordered by some dude who was actually on top of his game. That means when you stop by the grocery store, or (heaven-forbid) Wal-mart, on Valentine's Day, all you're left with are the half-wilted, reject flowers in the stupid pink heart cellophane. And when you show up with those, guys, we know. We alllllways know. Think ahead. February 12. Put a reminder in your calendar and set that shit to "remind me every year on this day" and make it say "Hey Bud, how about you go ahead and order flowers right now because it's not that freakin' hard." And if she works in an office, send them there. People act like that's not a thing but it's totally a thing.
Clothing and/or jewelry not pre-approved by her or, at the very least, her best friend.
|"no i don't; he's forcing me|
to wear this; plz help"
Make it easier on yourself and ask one of our friends to figure out what we want, and if she's a good friend, she will return to you with solid leads on several items from which to choose. Do this. Do not go rogue. At the very least, if you insist on choosing something yourself, get it approved before you purchase.
A gift that's, who are you kidding, 100% for you.
Let's get right down to it: If at any point you're thinking "lingerie" I would like to invite you to re-think that because, no. That is a terrible gift. Advertisers would like you to believe otherwise. Do not.
Good luck out there,