Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Guest Post: Emmie Screams about "Being Catelynn"

Anyone who knows me knows that I have an emotional disorder where I am obsessed with Catelynn and Tyler from Teen Mom. I want to adopt them as my imaginary teen children. I was going to list all of the whisper scream worthy moments in the Teen Mom special “Being Catelynn,” but for brevity’s sake, let’s keep it to the top 10. Note: I will not be discussing any actual major news about Catelynn and Tyler because that’s not why I scream about them. It’s the little things, y’all. 

10. Bad news: Catelynn’s mom got a new car. This means no more van. As everyone I’ve ever met has been screamed to about, Catelynn’s mom April used to have a wicked gray van with curtains. It was amazing. It is no more. Pour one out for my van homie. 

*Actual van was not available for portraits.

9. DAWN THE ADOPTION COUNSELOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LUV HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s the ultimate soothing mom and I’m glad to see that MTV is taking into consideration my many petitions to GET DAWN MORE SCREEN TIME. CAN DAWN ADOPT CATELYNN AND TYLER AND GIVE THEM THE LIFE THEY HAVE ALWAYS DESERVED? 

8. Catelynn thinks Indiana Jones is bald. 

7. Catelynn forgot to put Tyler’s clothes in the washer like he asked and he got mad at her which is the STORY OF MY LIFE, SISTER. 

Getting this fan art tattooed over my entire body
6. At one point in the episode, Catelynn just got up in the middle of the night and vommed like crazy. Then she just got back in bed and no one addressed it for like days. CATELYNN U R SO STRONG BECAUSE IF I VOMIT I PUT OUT A PRESS RELEASE TO ALL NEWS OUTLETS WITHIN THREE COUNTIES AND DEMAND THAT EVERYONE FEEL SORRY FOR ME. I am a terrible vomiter and Catelynn was just like NBD, mic drop. However, is it a coincidence that Catelynn was vomiting so soon after picking up her wedding dress? IF YOU WILL RECALL, I vomited violently after my bridal portraits. Is this a media conspiracy? WHEN WILL WE KNOW THE TRUTH? 

5. Catelynn’s mom, April, is opening an antique store called IT’S ALL GOOD, is this a fever dream? 

4. Catelynn was reluctant to go on a walk with Tyler because she was EATING A SUB SANDWICH. It’s like looking into a mirror. 

3. Tyler singing “CHREEMAS, CHREEMAS” while sweeping the floor around their decorative Christmas village. 

2. The fact that they have a decorative Christmas village. 

1. Catelynn eating beef jerky while going to pick up her wedding dress. I FEEL U, GURL. SCREAMING. 

Side note: April was smoking in Catelynn’s car with the windows up while Catelynn ate beef jerky. JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

Keep on keepin’ on, Tyler and Catelynn. Keep on keepin’ on.

1 comment:

  1. Courtney Mays GauthreauxMay 18, 2014 at 4:54 PM

    I know y'all are super busy living life, but I miss The Duds. Come back!